so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize