Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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