We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
