I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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