forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize