The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
