She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
