Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
