only you would photoshop your dick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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