I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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