some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
