Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
