im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize