oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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