I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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