He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize