Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
