why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
