Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
