dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
