happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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