Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
birth control should be required to get into college
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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