Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
