All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
