My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
