dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
