So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
