I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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