just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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