Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
