my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
