the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
