No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
