Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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