I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
