I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
