If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My ass is underappreciated
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
