Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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