Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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