I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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