the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
