I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
be right there i have to get my cape
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
