No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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