I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
