I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
