So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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