nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
