he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
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i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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