Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
