I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
