flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
