i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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