So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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