I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
