I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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