1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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