Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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