Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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