I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
