no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
