Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
