i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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