My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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