Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
