watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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