I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
