Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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