I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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