If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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