So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
