Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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