Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
